I LOVE Mike Patton

This is truly a love story. Because at first, I HATED Mike Patton.

patton 1

Total fucking man crush

So in ’89 (I’da been about 20) MTV were playing FNM’s Epic, and The Real Thing would have been going strong. I had heard that Metallica had taken their favourite band Faith No More on the road as support act. I was working at the San Jose International Airport at this stage, and rocker girl from one of the rental car companies loaned me her tape of The Real Thing. I heard the first half of the first song and said, “Fuck this..” I gave it back and said, ‘yeah, this really ain’t for me..’ It would have been the extremely nasal-y vocals. And the no Jason Becker inspired solos, ha ha ha..

Cut to ’92…I had a GF who lived in Livermore. I’d go there on weekends and drive back to San Jose on Sundays. One particular Sunday I needed some driving music and was in an open minded kinda mood. I saw FNM Angel Dust cassette in gf’s bedroom and asked if I could borrow it for the week. I got into my Honda Accord, put in the tape, and started the drive home..Well, Land of Sunshine hit my ears and I heard no more nasally bullshit!! Did the singer get all the boogers out? This a new guy, what happened? I loved that song, and heard more..And whaddya know? By the time I hit San Jose, I loved the band, Angel Dust from beginning to end, and this singer..What’s his name?

And that was it. I had finally fell under the spell of Mike Patton and I’ve never looked back. Saw the Deli Creeps and Bungle at One Step Beyond, FNM in Australia for King For a Day tour, Fantomas and Tomahawk on the same day in Sydney, as well as Mondo Cane in Melbourne. Wife loves him as well.

What I love about Mike: His voice does not give out. Ever. The screams in Smaller and Smaller are BAD ASS. His vocal lines are fucking incredible!! It’s like he tried 10 different ways to sing the line, and either picked the best of ten or weaved ideas 2, 6 and 7 together. I love it. He sings the right thing in the right place all the fucking time. He is the Johnny Depp of music. I feel their paths are kinda similar; they only take on projects they want to do and are willing to take chances whether the project is commercially viable or not. Because it’s not about $$, it’s about art. Aside from his talent, the guy is a great entertainer. I usually hate the space between songs at a live show..”Here’s a song about lost love and the one time Isaac had been…” Yeah yeah yeah, shut the fuck up and play the goddamn song. With Mike, you get witty, funny banter..When FNM played Soundwave out here in Melbourne, they had Chat Roulette going on these two huge screens when they played. It was fucking unbelievable!! Mike’s banter with the CR people as well as the crowd was spot on. He’s the shit, pure  and simple. My wife’s one gripe is that he’s short, lol..So you two won’t be bonin’ anytime soon (yay!!).

Mike, I love you!! I’m not into every single project you’ve ever done, and that’s okay. The stuff I do love I REALLY love, and I still keep trying with the stuff that goes over my head. I’ve even had dreams where we’ve hung out, ha ha..You’ve inspired me as a musician to do what I want when I want, just like Frank. . And when I do get the chance to sing, I either think, “what would Mike sing?” or just straight out rip you off, like every other cunt in the 90’s (and even now) do. Apologies!!


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